I was sitting here reading the updates here on xanga and all of a sudden i was lak. you know what i havn't updated in a while, i think i have some pictures stashed away somewhere that i haven't put up yet.  so i guess that' what i'll do eventually here - after i ramble a while  Life is good, but guess what God is much, much better.  so then if God is so good and i know that He wants the best for my life then why do i have such a tough time learning to trust HIM completely?  that's kinda what i'v bin struggling with the last while...  God keeps asking me to give up everything, but i'm lak "no, i have it all under control, i want to rule my own life, thank you very much"... but then God does an amazing thing - actually He does several amazing things - He keeps asking me to give up (He doesn't tear my life out of my hands) to give it to Him, and HE DOES NOT GIVE UP ON ME, rather He keeps showing me through circumstances out of my control that i can't totally control my life.  that He knows what's best and that He totally wants me broken before Him.  and sad to say more often than not i wait until the last possible moment to give everything up.  all last week God was prodding me to give Him everything, then yesterday and today.  i suddenly realized all over again that God has my best interests in mind.  and PTL today was the best day i'v had in quite a while, even tho there were several good GOD days sprinked in, but today i felt different.  i felt more peace then i have a in a while, i felt like i actually had a purpose in life... WOW GOD IS AWESOME...  something i read today really stuck out to me... the story wasn't totally what i was going through, but at one point God told this lady that was having a hard time giving something up God met her and this is what He said " Do you remember the story of Peter walking on water?  How Peter stepped out of the boat and as long as he kept his eyes on ME he walked on water but when he started looking at the wind and waves he began to sink?  Your life is like that."  and this is what really hit me... "YOU NEED TO TRUST ME, KEEP YOUR EYES ON ME, TAKE A STEP OF FAITH AND GET OUT OF THE BOAT ... DON'T LOOK AT THE WIND AND THE WAVES... STEP OUT IN FAITH AND KEEP YOUR EYES ON ME." when i read that i was like "whoa" and it totally felt like God was still working to bring me back even though i felt like i had already given up to Him.  and yes the more into this day i got the more adoration and love i felt for my wonderful LORD...  He's gonna take care of everything and i can totally trust Him!  well i guess no pictures afterall...  keep walking with God, and trust Him and get out of your boat of "safety of taking care of myself" and focus on Jesus the one who died for you...just the fact that He died for our sins should bring us to total devotion of Him and should totally convince us that He cares about our lives...  go with God...